He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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