I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
