Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
