I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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