Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
