Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think people are normalizing furries
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
