scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
