perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize