So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
