All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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