i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
