it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
