my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
