I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
