babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Less talking, more tequila
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
