so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
