They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
