You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
