There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
