I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
