smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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