You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
