I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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