You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
