he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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