peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
