It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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