I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
