I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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