I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
