Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle

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(602): View more from Arizona

I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.

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(917): View more from New York City

She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.

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(410): View more from Maryland

sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????

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(513): View more from Ohio

i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

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(+45): View more from Denmark

Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going

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(+61): View more from Australia

Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.

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