you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
