Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i've created a new STD.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
