Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
People in love make me want to vomit
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
