his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
