Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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