I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
