I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
