So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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