Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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