I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
