Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
