The maid of honor just puked.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
