I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
