So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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