I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
