Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
