i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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