in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
