Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize