I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
