we have pet lesbian snakes
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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