I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
