I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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