After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
