Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
