My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
