uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
