I'm going to jail i love you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
