dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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