Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
