i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
