omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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