Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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