yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
