WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
