Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize