Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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