you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize