sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
