Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
