My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
