all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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