I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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