we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
