Having a random hookup so left but love u
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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