Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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