my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
