oh god the rape fog is back!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
