Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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